cinderstw

I see them - glass bottles, neatly labelled, lined in a row. Each one carefully measured (no more nor less than the prescribed amount). A self contained ecosystem; so entirely dependant on it’s own existence. When equilibrium shifts I uncork the offender, releasing the contents. Movements so rehearsed it’s a reflex - uncontrolled. (Let consequence be damned)

Darkness is defined as an absence of light. But I must have unwittingly blindfolded myself since you were never truly gone. A self imposed punishment - consequence of doubt - that lessens as you guide my hands to loose the knots I tied.

They think no-one will listen... (Drip. Drip. Dripping water from leaking faucets shows the truth that a home will never admit. Creaking staircases are lined. A torn up carpet attempts to quiet the floorboards whispered secrets. Loud voices overlap to drown out the softly spoken, ensuring only their side of the story will be told.) ... but they were heard.

I admire your tenacity, Your willingness To let them think they won. They tear you to pieces, Year after year, And yet you still continue... For while they thought They were breaking your branches - Irreparably - You were merely being pruned, You will always grow back stronger. Winter cannot touch you. Their violence only ensures Your success.

I tense. Muscles contract in preparation for an impact that never comes. The laughter still echoes in my head - alongside a phantom sting of palms, the gravel coating almost tangible. Beneath my fingers, smooth skin. Isn’t it funny how memories work? That whenever my mind wanders, I end up braced for the fall.

I can hear it in every laugh or snort or jibe. I can feel it in every poke and push and tackle to the ground. I smile when I do - like it’s contagious and all I’ve ever wanted was for you to smirk at my expense. Because I can see it, you know? You’re healing.

For what it’s worth - I loved you. I always saw the necessity of your presence. I always knew when you needed someone there. I always smiled in assurance of your actions. I backed your every word and - For what it’s worth - I expected nothing in return. Yet even that was too much for you...

I love the sea. Where the waves caress you and the wind licks the salt from your skin. It’s a different kind of peace. Not one of silence and tranquility, but of your hair being tugged and your whole being rocking. It’s distance from the rest of the world.

You taught me, with undying patience as I tangled the string more than I tied it - You caught me, with cushioning arms when my feet span faster than my body above - You fought me, with calculating words if my mouth began before my brain wished to speak - You were there, to ensure my success...      safety...       sensitivity... Invariably.

People love shiny things that sparkle and glitter. Yet I am drawn, not to shine, but to old and rusty - Things adorned with years of dust, thick with memories - Stories told through age, the worn out edges. A treasure, bold testaments of time. Far more enticing than pretty perfections.

It’s been a while - Since I saw you Through the hazy glass... Your colours have faded Like the movies used to be, Black and white. And silent. Your voice no longer distinct But mixed with other things, Like... an underlying murmur In life’s soundtrack. I guess I’m moving on without you. But My fingers are grasping at remnants A fruitless attempt To hold onto the past.

Little red house on the corner left to fade Tire swing swaying above a sparkling blade Silver gown, just for the hour Starts out sweet then you taste the sour A little girl's heart doesn't last for long When a little girl gone right goes horribly wrong One little fall means blood on the breeze Little red house with a ghost to please.

Dear mommy, please don't hurt yourself. I need you to hold my hand. From crossing the little old gravel road To helping me find wonderland. Dear mommy, please don't hate yourself. I love the way you used to be. Happy and joyful, so filled with love Or at least that's how you seemed to me. Dear mommy, maybe I don't understand. But please don't let yourself go. I need you now more than ever, And more than you'll ever know. Dear mommy, please don't leave me. I love you.. Don't you understand? Mommy, please don't kill yourself. I still need you to hold my hand.

Daddy, daddy! Come play with me. I'll be the princess filled with glee. You'll be the king, you'll reign over the sea. Daddy, daddy, come play with me! Daddy, daddy! Let's play a game I'll grow up and like magic, i'll change Into somebody so odd and so strange Daddy, Daddy. Let's play a game. Dad, hey dad! Let's do something fun. I'll pull the trigger of this heavy gun After I've given you some time to run Dad, hey dad, let's have some fun. Dad, come on now, can't you see? This knife in your back and this bullet in your knee It's who I've become, who I've grown to be. Daddy, come on... Come play with me.

It feels as if my reflection Points a gun at its own head, As my bullet shoots the mirror And paints the floor with red, And it feels as if my gun Just isn't steady in my hand, Because darling, when I jump off cliffs, Do you think I always land? It feels as if the razor blade Might be my only friend, And it feels as if the broken glass Might soon begin to bend, Because my reflection is distorted, love. Can't you see that, love, can't you see? I'm pointing a gun at the mirror, And the mirror points back at me.

This is what we live for—these whispers on our lips The drying bits of blood on our paper-cut fingertips Opening the letters that we left our future selves A bittersweet reminder of those storybooks on the shelves This is what we live for – this emotion in our souls The torture and the bittersweet moments of lost control Biting cracked lips with the dirt beneath our nails These moments of imperfection as our trains of thought derail This is what we live for – shutting doors and opening eyes Smiling for a moment, before the tears reveal our lies This is what we live for, this reality, this life… This is what we live for